PESANAN PENAJA

sebelum baca jgn lupa klik2 pada kotak derma kat belah kanan tu.sambil membaca sambil menderma.korang jugak dapat pahala.

Ahad, 14 September 2014

Temporary Alone

Duit elaun baru masuk *dance*
Aku memang dah lama nak beli kasut kulit baru sebab kasut arwah Sir Wan Zul Azmi yang aku dah pakai 3 tahun tu dah menunggu ajal je.rabak. so, malam semalam aku pun dok pikir2 la mana nak beli kasut area KL ni.pastu teringat SOGO so aku pun pergi la sana.

Mula-mula aku ada la ajak beberapa orang yang memang plan nak membeli belah juga. Aku taknak ajak semua orang sebab aku tau aku ni memang lama kalau shopping baju ke kasut ke. Bukan memilih tapi aku selalu ada masalah cari saiz *nangis*.

Nak dijadikan cerita, semua orang taknak ikut mula2. I is sedih sebab masa tu memang aku rasa forever alone gila. Keluar rumah makan breakfast sorang2 untuk mendapatkan tenaga. Masa tgh makan nasi lemak kat mamak tu memang syahdu betul bila fikir kena jalan sorang. Masa tu mula la kepala pikir ni kalau ada awek syok juga boleh ajak teman bla bla bla bla. Koyak juga rasanya.

Luckily masa tengah tunggu LRT tiba tiba ada kawan call ckp nak follow. Aku pun tunggu la sambil sambil whatsapp sorang mamat yang baru bangun tido. Kalau tak nak ajak dia. Beli2 semua apa benda baru sedar rupanya tu first time pergi SOGO sebab sebelum ni masa belajar kat area KL ni bila ajak pergi SOGO sorang pun taknak pergi sebab semua org bajet  kaya dan taknak bawak aku pergi SOGO padahal sama je semua makan duit scholarship jugak. Nohorom semua nak layan zara la bonia la ape la. Teringat 1 quote

"You should never feel ashamed if you are poor but you should feel ashamed if you are poor but you pretend to be rich"

Masa fefeeling foreveralone tu baru aku sedar yang sebenarnye lepas setahun single ramai yang suruh aku cari pengganti supaya aku betul betul pulih dari frustration aku. Family, kawan2 rapat, kawan2 tak rapat semua suruh cari. Aku kadang2 terfikir muka aku memang nampak sangat ke frust. Haha. Gua bajet gua dah cover line baik punya.

Takpelah. Aku taknak la mencari orang semata mata nak memulihkan hati. I would never play with other's feelings. Aku dah rasa pedihnya. Aku takde la sekejam minah tu yang walaupun dah pernah rasa tapi buat juga benda sama kat aku.

So in the end dapat la kasut yang aku nak. Balik balik je member aku cakap.

"Shit la. Bosan gila weekend kat sini. Semua orang balik rumah. Yang ada kenderaan semua dating. Yang tinggal semua orang jauh+ takde kenderaan. Minggu depan aku nak cari awek ah camni!"

Lol. Pergila. Aku takmau cari. Aku tunggu orang tu lalu depan aku. Haha.


Khamis, 11 September 2014

Pilih Bulu

 Esok ada meeting MMC dgn student representative berkenaan dengan hal2 kolej nak bankrap. Basically we want to convince MMC to allow us to stay in UKM until we graduate.
 
Aku biasanya akan ambil tahu pasal benda benda ni semua tapi aku selalunya kalau boleh taknak terlibat secara langsung sebab aku tahu aku perlu savekan brain capacity aku untuk fokus belajar dan tak fikir benda2 lain supaya tak fail exam.
 
Tapi nak dijadikan cerita esok semua wakil untuk batch aku busy dan aku pulak takde kelas. So, member aku pun cakap la kat aku pasal nak hantar aku pergi. Aku tak kisah la sangat sebab sebelum ni pun aku la yang pergi deal dgn JPA dan UKM. 

 Tapi

Ade la sorang budak 5th year tak bagi. Mula2 aku ingat kenapala dia tak bagi aku pergi tapi lepas baca mesej tu memang padu betul. Dia kata kalau aku pergi nanti aku melalut dan akan cakap benda benda lain yang keluar topik.tapi,kalau dah takde orang lain dia redha je aku pergi.

WTF?

Aku rasanya tak pernah lagi cakap melalut dan satu lagi sape mamat tu? Dia tak kenal aku pun kenapa judge?

So aku pun decide untuk tak nak join meeting tu esok. What's the point? We want to settle things in good way but if someone dont like me why should I go.

Aku tak kisah nak pergi atau tak nak pergi. Yang aku kisah kenapa judge aku walaupun kau tak kenal aku? Adakah sebab aku selalu buat status tidak serius di FB atau aku tidak cukup kacak untuk hadir mesyuarat? Aku niat nak tolong tapi dicaci dan dihina. Im so much better than that. Tak pernah nampak aku deal dengan JPA dan UKM agaknye.

I will accept the insult if I really do all or half the thing he said but none of it were true. Frustrated, sad, and feel humiliated.

Atau

Mungkin sebab aku tak geng dengan dia.

Pilih bulu.

Rabu, 3 September 2014

Love sucks. Do not read if u hate love story.

It is always a wrong move to try to stalk into your ex's life. Especially if deep down in your heart, how angry you are, you still have a lil bit of feeling towards her.

I was in love with a girl before. Almost 3 years I was in love with her but all of sudden, last year on 1st september she gave me an sms telling that she wanted to break up. And the hardest thing is she did it without reason that I knew. The other night before she gave me that sms, we still have our usual conversation and we did not have any fight at all.

Up until now, I still didn't know the reason. That is the hardest thing. She never give me a reason.

Today, after a year she left me, I foolishly open her tumblr. As expected, it is a very bad decision. I found out that she already has another guy and she is trying to seek for his attention.

And here I am, still thinking about her. I never expect she had the guts to do this to me. I thought she is different. I thought she had a very kind heart. I never expect I would be betrayed especially by her. I guess I'm sucks in judging others.

Haha. I know I will laugh at this entry in the future. I dont know what I wanna do now. One thing that I know is I'm traumatised and afraid to be in another relationships for now because I know I couldn't stand another frustration.

I hope I can move on. I dont wanna live like this anymore.

P/s: if "you" read this I just want you to know that you had successfully ruins my heart for this whole year. But I know you will never read this entry.

* for the other readers if I ever still have followers in my blog,(lol) please forgive this entry. I know this is foolish. I had warned you :)

Selasa, 2 September 2014

Fatin Liyana lol.

Harini 2/9/2014. Selasa.  On the way nak pg mkn kat cafe PPUKM bertembung dengan Dr. Fatin Liyana. Read her blog the whole weekend, suddenly she is less than 1 metre from me. How do I feel? (Use your imagination)

*later on I found out that this is her first day in PPUKM as a houseman. Haha. Kena teruskan misi mintak dia sign logbook!

Isnin, 1 September 2014

Why I start again and a little bit of recap.

It had been years since I last post anything in this blog. Memori betul. Dulu-dulu buat blog lepas SPM sbb confident akan pergi oversea dan konon kononnya nak mengabadikan kenangan di oversea dlm blog ni la. End up, I didnt get the offer but still I get the scholarship and the course that I want.

But to my surprise, walaupun stay dalam Malaysia, kehidupan universiti aku bukanlah macam orang lain. After my foundation years, I had been to 3 different universities just to get one degree. Pindah universiti bukan sebab aku fail or expelled sbb akademik. No. I was forced to go to different universities due to corruption of my previous 2 universities. Dua dua tamak. First university need to get rid of 86 students sbb diorang tamak nak ambik student ramai sampai lebih kuota. When KPT found out, they need to get rid of the excess 86 and unfortunately I am one of them.

Then I need to repeat the whole year in my new University. But then still corruption occurs. The university right now in total chaos. Lecturers ran away. All staff ran away. Hostel had been sealed by bank. Haha. What a life.

Fortunately there is always a silver lining. As I am in a program which collaborate with UKM, we were transferred to UKM. Hah! Tak ke untung? Merempat di 2 ipts yg gilakan wang, end up aku dapat masuk IPTA. *menari*

So back to this blog. During this 3-4 years, I had found out that it is a good habit to write a journal or diary. Habit orang2 power. I dont know the truth but since yesterday I had read Fatin Liyana's blog the whole day yesterday, tiba2 rasa bersemangat. Afterall I guess all of my followers dah takde.dah habis dah zaman kegemilangan blogging lepas SPM.haha. Takpelah.lagi senang nak bercakap sorang2.

One more thing, I dont know why I tend to write in English bila bermonolog dalaman. Tak kisah la.haha. Sebenarnya aku takde la guna English banyak sgt pun dlm hidup seharian except with my lecturers. Maybe because I have friends which will menganjing kot if  I use English.

So I guess this is a start. Hopefully I can write something beneficial. Kalau tak beneficial pun hopefully when I'm getting old, I have this blog to remember the old good memories :)